Meet the 2024 Scholars

"Describe a defining moment in your journey with CF that sparked personal growth or resilience. How did this experience affect you and what did you learn from this moment? "

In September of 2023, my journey with cystic fibrosis was forever changed. I was admitted to the hospital for a "tune up." This was no surprise to me as I had not been feeling well for several weeks, but what occurred during this stay was unimaginable. My two week stay quickly turned into three weeks. I found out that I had an ileus, pneumonia in my right lung, and I needed sinus surgery urgently. I was no stranger to lung problems or stomach issues, but I had never had troubles with my nose. I was taken down to the operating room around 2pm. I said goodbye to my parents and friends who were visiting. I would come back to my room with a new fear, waking up during surgery. I have had several procedures and surgeries that require sedation. I never once woke up during surgery or ever really thought of it. In the middle of my surgery, I woke up for a brief moment and then passed out. I then woke up again at the end of the surgery. I could not move any part of my body, but somehow remembered that your tears do not become paralyzed when you do. I started crying and hoping someone, anyone, would notice. I felt the surgeon putting packs in my nose, the intubation tube being pulled out, and realized nobody saw my tears. After the tube was pulled, my body gave up and I passed out. I woke up in recovery in a panic. I told the nurse repeatedly that I woke up during surgery and I remembered what happened. She told me that I was hallucinating and I would not even remember what happened by the time I got up to my room. I felt defeated. I tried so hard to advocate for myself and could not be heard. That was until the Vice President of the Board of Anesthesiology came into my room and confirmed, through a brain monitor, that I was awake for a portion of the surgery. I never stopped advocating for myself. I knew what happened and I was not going down without a fight. I learned that you know your body best and you should never back down when it comes to advocating for yourself, especially with an invisible illness. I received countless apologies from the team, but that does not erase what happened. I have had 4 surgeries since then that required me to be put under sedation. Before each one, I have had panic attacks and relived what occurred on that operating table in September. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have been working through the trauma, but it does not make me forget. This was by far one of the hardest times of my life, both mentally and physically, but I grew not only as an advocate, but as a person.